Scars
by Mandalorian Runescaper
Summary: Takes place after ME3. One-shot. Spoilers for ME3 and the Pinnacle Station DLC from ME1. After choosing to destroy the Reapers and recovering from her wounds, Commander Shepard tries to escape from what happened by isolating herself. A certain turian, however, will always be there for her.


**A/N: I've been having some trouble finishing the next chapter of one of my main stories. By "some" I mean I think I have writer's block (I can't seem to concentrate on finishing the chapter despite badly wanting to get it done). As a result, I thought I'd put together a quick one-shot in order to take a break from that story while not allowing myself to get too rusty on the writing front. Please let me know if you like this, support and constructive criticism really do mean a lot.**

**I've never played through any of the Mass Effect games as FemShep (yes, I know that's heresy for a lot of fans), but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I hope you enjoy!**

**Scars**

Smack.

The skin of her knuckles protested at how much force she had thrown behind the blow, but Shepard ignored it. Expression not changing in the slightest despite the pain, she lashed out again, this time with her other hand.

Smack.

It protested even more than her first one, but still she paid no attention to it. The fact she was hitting the punching bag without gloves, despite the warning written on it that damage to the knuckles could occur if said gloves were not used, was something she was aware of, but couldn't care less about. Despite her gaze being fixed firmly on the object, her mind was only partially on the punching bag as it swung wildly with each strike she delivered to it.

The minutes passed in a blur as she continued to batter the piece of exercise equipment to within an inch of its life, and Shepard soon began to pant heavily. Sweat drenched her simple grey shirt and black shorts as her shoulders began to join her hands in begging for a rest. Several strands of her dark red hair became stuck to her forehead as she continued to hit the object in front her, but she ignored them as completely as she did the increasing protests of her body, mind still not entirely on what she was doing as she continued to think.

Beep.

Shepard froze, one hand raised to deliver yet another blow. She had imagined it. No one knew she was here. She certainly hadn't told anyone, and she had done an excellent job of covering her tracks. Turning with a mounting feeling of dread but also a small amount of hope that she might be wrong, Shepard felt her heart sink as she saw the screen of a nearby terminal flashing, informing her that a ship was nearby. Staggering slightly on account of her exhaustion, she marched over to it quickly before sitting down at the desk the terminal rested on and accessing the machine impatiently.

_One ship. It's small, though. Definitely not the Normandy._

The vessel was heading directly for her location. It wasn't armed, nor was it large enough to be carrying a substantial number of soldiers. Whoever had figured out she was on Intai'sei, they didn't want to fight her. That meant they only wanted to talk. In all honesty she would have preferred it if they desired the former.

Glancing around the apartment she had won off Admiral Tadius Ahern what felt like a lifetime ago, Shepard had to admit to herself that it had never been going to last forever. While the fact she owned the place wasn't exactly public knowledge, it wasn't the best kept secret in the galaxy either. She had at least managed to find a couple of weeks' worth of solitude here, so she had been right in her guess that it was one of the last places anyone would look for her. After all, she hadn't even been to the apartment since she had first won it until a fortnight ago, a span of several years. In all honesty, it was fortunate that she had possessed the foresight back then to buy the punching bag as well as the simple bed that sat opposite it upon visiting the apartment for the first time and realising it possessed neither amenity.

Rising from her chair and walking over to the large window—it was more like a wall made of glass, really—that allowed the occupant of the spacious room to see the planet outside, Shepard squinted for a moment before spotting the approaching ship thanks to the early morning light. The vessel was little more than a dot at this distance, though she knew it was rapidly closing the gap that separated her from whoever was on board. She had a couple of minutes or so until they arrived.

Looking down at herself, Shepard briefly considered changing into something cleaner. She had worn the shirt and shorts to bed before waking up in the middle of the night and deciding to work out in them, which meant they probably smelled awful. She decided after a moment that she couldn't be bothered. If whoever had found her wanted to speak to her so badly, they would just have to put up with the fact she didn't care what they thought about how she was dressed.

Shepard began to head towards the door that connected the main room of the apartment to the corridor beyond, but found herself pausing for a moment halfway to her destination before walking over to the desk and picking up an object she had placed next to the terminal when she had first arrived. Checking the M-6 Carnifex did indeed have an empty thermal clip inserted, something she already knew was the case but still felt compelled to do anyway, Shepard then continued the short journey to the door. It opened before her automatically, allowing her to proceed left down the corridor beyond it to a second door, this one being the final barrier between her and the outside world. Placing both of her hands behind her back, her right one holding the pistol, she waited silently.

A couple of minutes passed before she heard the ship land outside. Less than a minute later she heard someone attempting to access the door. Turning to the bright green interface that sat to its right, she opened the door herself, determined to get the confrontation over with. Whoever it was, they had wasted their time coming. Now if they could turn around and leave, preferably not telling anyone she was indeed on Intai'sei once they had, that would be much appreciated—

The door slid open, the top half retracting upwards as the bottom half did the same in the other direction, revealing the individual who had likely spent a great deal of time trying to find her. Swallowing heavily as their eyes met, Shepard tried to remain focused. She wanted to be left alone. She had done more than enough. It didn't matter whether she knew whoever it was that wanted so badly to see her, or whether they were somebody she had never met before. Regardless of who they were, she didn't want to see them.

"Shepard," the man opposite her whispered, the distinctive flanging nature of his voice causing her resolve to waver.

She swallowed again. It had to be him. It could have been one of any number of people, but of course it had to be him. Refusing to show any weakness, Shepard locked eyes with him, keeping her voice as neutral as she could.

"Garrus," she replied evenly.

A moment of silence followed as they both waited for the other to say something, anything, more. Shepard suppressed the urge to shift in discomfort, something she noticed Garrus was having trouble with himself. Turians weren't the most easy to read of the different races, but the way in which his mandibles quivered slightly were a dead giveaway that Garrus was struggling as much as she was as they stood there. Despite that, she knew he wouldn't back down. When he was worried about her he never did.

"Can I come in?"

It was phrased as a question, but Shepard could tell he wouldn't take no for an answer. She certainly wouldn't have if their positions had been reversed. Nodding slowly, she turned around and began walking back down the corridor, the sound of Garrus' footsteps as well as the door shutting a moment later telling her the turian was right behind her. Reaching the door that led into the apartment proper, she continued through it once it had opened and stopped in the middle of the large room before turning to face Garrus as he entered just after her, the door closing behind him.

The two of them stood there for a moment, and she began to fear that the same awkwardness from before would return. Garrus was clearly thinking along the same lines, as he spoke before the silence could stretch on for as long as it had last time.

"Everyone's worried about you."

Shepard nodded. "I know," she replied.

"Some of us are more worried than others."

The implication wasn't lost on her. "I know," she repeated, wincing at the guilt that had begun to gnaw at her.

The turian's eyes narrowed. "_I _was worried about you."

"I know."

"Is that it?" Garrus' anger was seeping into his voice now, his mandibles quivering even more than before as he tried to control himself. "As soon as the hospital discharges you, you decide to run off without telling anyone? Without telling me?"

"I needed time alone," Shepard retorted, feeling a flash of anger herself, much to her relief. Anger was easy, much easier to deal with than guilt. "Haven't I done enough to earn that?"

"That's not what I…" Garrus trailed off before sighing. When he continued, the anger was still there, but it was more resigned frustration than actual rage. "If you had just said, I would have understood. You know I would have."

Shepard nodded before glancing away, her gaze focusing on the terminal from before as she looked for any reason to postpone looking back at the turian. The screen was a much more attractive shade of orange than she had ever given it credit for, she decided. Whoever had designed the terminal had certainly done a good job when it came to choosing—

"Shepard, look at me."

Garrus' voice seemed to acquire magnetic properties for a moment, as she found herself unable to keep from looking back at him, her green eyes meeting his blue ones. "Why didn't you tell me?" the turian asked softly. "It's been two weeks since you left. You could have let me know you were safe and just wanted to be left to yourself at any point during that time."

"I just… I wanted to tell you, Garrus," she managed, vision beginning to blur as her eyes filled with tears. "But every time I thought about it… it made everything seem more real. I thought that if I didn't talk to anyone, then I could pretend none of it happened, at least for a while."

"Pretend what didn't happen?"

Garrus' tone made it clear he had a pretty good idea what her answer would be, and that made it even harder to continue than it had been already. "E-EDI," Shepard forced out. "The geth. They're gone because of… because of me, Garrus. I should have found another way, a better way. There must have been some w-way to s-save…"

Shepard trailed off as a sob broke free from her lips. She wiped her eyes with the back of her arm, clearing her vision just in time to find herself being pressed against an armoured chest, the familiar shade of dark blue comforting as Garrus wrapped his arms around her, causing her to do the same to him. Pressing the side of her face against the wall of metal in front of her, Shepard allowed herself to release her grip on the pistol she still held, causing the Carnifex to hit the ground behind the turian with a clatter.

"I-I should have found a w-way," she whispered, vision already swimming again. "They deserved to live, Garrus. I tried to save everyone. I tried so _hard._"

"I know," the turian replied gently, a soothing note to his flanging voice now. "I know you did, Jane."

The sound of her name caused her to stiffen for a moment before relaxing. No one ever used it. It was always 'Shepard,' or 'Commander' if someone was being formal. Even her mother, Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard, never really spoke to her using her first name. Only Garrus sometimes used it when they were alone, and even then it was rare that he did.

"I just wish I," she swallowed heavily, "c-could tell them sorry. That I could let them know I d-didn't m-mean it."

"They know," Garrus replied firmly. "Wherever they are now, they know."

They remained holding one another as silence fell between them again. Unlike before, though, this time it wasn't awkward in the slightest. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Shepard froze as she suddenly felt one of the turian's arms unwind itself from around her, before a taloned finger pressed against the underside of her chin, gently tilting her head up.

Her pulse quickened as Garrus began to close the gap between them, causing her to lean up in response, her bare heels leaving the ground. A moment later they were close enough to kiss.

Garrus had been more than a little confused when she had first explained the concept to him the night before the assault on the Collector base. Turians didn't have the same kind of mouth structure that humans did, and apparently kissing as a show of affection was something they didn't understand the appeal of. Their equivalent, Shepard had learned, was to run their mandibles against their partner's. The actual mouth itself didn't really serve a purpose when it came to intimacy. Upon attempting it that night, however, Garrus had admitted that while he thought it strange, it was also something he thought he could get used to.

That had made two of them.

Kissing a turian was very different from kissing a human. Since they didn't have lips like her own species did, their mouths were very unyielding, and getting a little too passionate could result in bruising, something Shepard could personally attest to. As a result, kissing was something they had to be careful about. Whenever they did do it, Garrus' mandibles also pressed against her cheeks, which likewise could be painful if they weren't careful. Despite all of that, though, the feeling of having the turian that close, the slight metallic taste his mouth had to it, and how surprisingly warm he was all served to make the experience as enjoyable as it was strange.

Smiling through the kiss, Shepard removed one of her arms from around the turian's mid-section and raised a hand up to his right mandible before gently running her fingertips over its scarred surface. The slight shudder Garrus gave off in response caused her smile to widen into a grin, only for a quiet moan to escape her lips as the turian carefully increased the intensity of the kiss in response.

After however long it was, minutes, hours, it didn't matter, the two of them broke apart, allowing her to push aside the strands of hair that had remained stuck to her forehead since her workout. Opening her mouth to speak, Shepard frowned as Garrus suddenly sniffed without warning, only to wrinkle his nose as much as a turian was capable of.

"Spirits, Shepard," he managed with difficulty. "What is that smell?"

"What smell?" she asked in confusion, glancing around the apartment as she likewise sniffed. "I don't know what you're… Oh, right. Yeah, that's, ah, me. I was exercising earlier."

"This early?"

"Yes."

Garrus' expression switched from disgust to understanding in an instant. "You're still having the same nightmare from the hospital?" he asked gently.

Shepard nodded reluctantly, the feeling of bliss she had just experienced already a memory. "All of their faces, Garrus. EDI and the geth first, but then everyone else I couldn't save. Kaidan, Pressly, Anderson." Her voice broke on the last name. "How many others were there? How many billions did the Reapers kill?"

"Shepard, look at me." Garrus' voice was firm as he tightened his hold on her. "You did everything you could, more than anyone else could have managed. Everyone in the galaxy who's still alive is alive because of you."

"They all… they depended on me," she argued weakly, the intensity in the turian's eyes seeming to cut through her protests like a knife as he listened silently. "I should have found a way—"

She was cut off as Garrus leaned in again, though this time the kiss only lasted for a few seconds. "If there was a way, Shepard, you would have found it. Sometimes, though, there just isn't."

Shepard nodded reluctantly, suddenly feeling too tired to argue with him. "I wish I could believe that," she muttered. As Garrus looked back at her gently, a thought suddenly occurred to her. "How did you find me anyway?" she asked curiously. "Everyone who was on the SR-1 knew about this apartment, but it wasn't exactly the most likely place for me to go to."

The turian had the decency to look slightly abashed. "Liara helped," he replied sheepishly.

"Ah." That made sense. The current Shadow Broker's network might have been damaged by the Reapers, but it wasn't a stretch to think enough of it was intact for it to still be effective. Despite Shepard's efforts to slip away unnoticed, Liara was certainly capable of tracking her, provided the asari had any agents assigned to keep tabs on her. For a moment Shepard felt a small amount of anger at the idea that her old friend had placed her under surveillance, only to dismiss it after a few seconds. Liara was clearly worried about her, and she _had_ proven that the asari was right to feel that way, after all.

Garrus shifted uncomfortably, clearly mistaking her noise of acceptance for one of fury. "I forced her to help," the turian admitted quickly. "I mean she was already trying to keep an eye on you, but I sort of twisted her arm until she told me where she thought you were. She put up a fight, though. I guess she knew you wanted some space, though she didn't tell me that."

Shepard nodded. "She's always been one of the cleverest people I know."

"Do you want me to go?" Garrus asked abruptly, the tone of his voice making it clear he really didn't want to but would if she asked. "You've been through more than anyone else could even imagine. I just wanted to make sure you were safe, and if—"

"So only Liara knows we're here?"

"I… Yes," the turian replied in confusion. "Why—"

Now it was her turn to cut him off with a kiss. "And I'm guessing she wants you to let her know how I am?" she smirked as she pulled away.

"Yes," Garrus managed after a moment, blinking several times as he tried to recover.

"And if you were to tell her I still need a little more time and you're staying to keep an eye on me, do you think she'd give us a few days alone uninterrupted?"

"Yes," Garrus said again, clearly growing exasperated at the barrage of questions. "Shepard, what—"

"Then I want you to stay," she interrupted. "After everything that's happened, I think the two of us can afford to take a few days off together. The galaxy can get by on its own for that long."

"All right," the turian replied, nodding firmly before glancing around the apartment. "It's, uh, been a while since I last had a break. What do humans do during their days off?"

Shepard leaned in slightly, causing Garrus to look back at her before freezing as she gave him a smile. A smile she knew he was _very _familiar with. "All sorts of things," she breathed. "Do you remember the night before the final battle on Earth?"

"When we all thought we were going to die?" the turian managed with difficulty.

She allowed herself to lean in closer. "And the night before we attacked the Collector base?"

"Again, we thought we were going to die."

Shepard leaned in even closer still, smirking as she noticed Garrus subconsciously copy her, leaving their faces perhaps only an inch apart. "And do you remember what happened on the nights in question?"

"Vividly," the turian choked out.

"Then unless you have any objections, Vakarian," she whispered, moving both of her hands to his shoulders, "I think it's time we test your reach and my flexibility again."

She felt her breath hitch as the turian gave a primal growl of agreement before moving one arm up around her shoulders and the other down behind her knees before picking her up and carrying her towards the bed. Laughing as Garrus dropped her onto it, Shepard rolled on top of the turian as he joined her, content in the knowledge the galaxy could get by without them for now.

She had a feeling Garrus would leave what was about to happen out of his report to Liara, though.


End file.
